this is how i fix the government

Everyone’s mad at the government so I decided I will be mad at the government too.

I’m currently in the middle of writing my public policy for when I run for office.  It’s called, “Ginny’s Guide to Good Government.”  It’s an alliteration of sorts because people like those.  Alliterations make people feel safe because they think, “Well, that girl clearly studied a lot when she took AP English.  I trust her.”  That’s how America works.  That’s how American government works.  It’s just one big trust fall and you pray that your leaders will be there to catch you once you let yourself go.

Let’s just say that a lot of people end up with broken necks.

My first plan of action is:
Fewer robots.  Robots suck.  If you’ve ever seen a Bjork music video, robots are creepy and weird.  Robots mean that more processes are automated.  The manufacturing sector gets smaller, putting people out of jobs; the services sector gets bigger, but that requires a bigger skill set, and even then services are becoming automated.  Like duh who uses bank tellers anymore?  So kill the robots, get jobs.  Simple. 

Second plan of action:
More castles.  See next point.

Third plan of action:
Serfdom&feudalism.  Dude, that shit was awesome.  Medieval Times was super fun—at least that restaurant I went to in Jersey was, and I’m pretty sure that’s an accurate description of back then.  So I’ll be a king and people will work on my land in exchange for a promise for me not to kill them.  And we can just barter so that when I graduate I won’t be saying, “Fuck my life, I owe the government $200,000 plus interest.”  It’ll be more like, “Well, look at me Ma, I’m a business gal now and all I owe is 300,000 ears of corn!” (Only 20,000 if you go to state school—what a steal!)  England has lots of castles and I’m pretty sure their economy isn’t in the toilet.  That’s how that works right?

Fourth plan of action:
Sorry women can’t vote.  Once upon a time, I was PMSing (and a bit inebriated) and flipped a table over because I was upset at someone.  Women are on their periods for 3 months out of the year AND THEN we PMS for another 3 months out of the year, which means that we’re just running around like chickens with our heads cut off for 6 months out of the year (that’s 50%!)  You know when you go to buy tampons at the store and you’re so pissed off that you just buy ice cream and chocolate and cry to Atonement while Celine Dion plays in the background?  Is that who you want making decisions about our country?  Do you want a crazy girl who throws water glasses across the room and then flips the conference table over because the Tea Party disagrees with my fiscal policy? That’s what I thought. 

"MEOW.":  that’ll be my campaign slogan.  I mean, that one’s a work in progress, but it sounds pretty good so far.

  October 18, 2011 at 02:21am